Ugh. Hate so many of the latest buzzwords/ phrases. First, because they’re lazy. Second, I'm a grumpy old lady. Third, when I use them, feels like I’m subverting my individuality and becoming one with the opiate-addicted-like masses of folks who think, speak, act in empty-headed hashtag phrases and Instagram texts.
Plus. Move with intention? Isn’t that just repackaging the obvious? Isn’t moving with intention what we do every microsecond of our existence as humans/ animals? On a cellular level, aren’t our digestive, circulatory, nervous systems – basically everything that keeps us alive, moving with intention?
And what about our stupid, supposedly thoughtless rituals, like my nightly couch to kitchen to silverware drawer to soup spoon to freezer to ice cream to mouth and all the repeats. Sure, I can say to my doctor, “All I do is diet and exercise. There must be something wrong with my metabolism.” But I know what I’m doing every time I get up, open the fridge, indulge.
Cooking, the rare house cleaning, the daily searching everywhere for car keys? All intentional. Maybe it’s not in my face intentional when I scratch an itch, randomly pat a cat, take that tenth spoonful of chocolate chip deliciousness, but on some level I’m aware.
Bottom line (another buzz phrase I guess, lazy me): I cringe at phrases like “move with intention.” And yet last month I used that phrase to help myself.
In late July, I was a week into working out every day and thought, “Hey! This seems easy. Let’s set a goal: Work out every day through August. That’s a cool goal.”
I had no plan. I didn’t define what “working out” would look like.
The first two weeks of August looked like that last week of July: ellipting, run/walking, weight training.
Then, about three weeks in (remember that I started sometime in July), I was ready to quit. I was burnt out. I was hungry all the time. I decided that if I was going to hit my goal of working out every day until August 31, I needed to change what I meant by working out, because if I continued, given the way I was feeling, I was going to stop.
For a few days, while continuing to hit the gym and pavement, I let myself eat all the bad stuff that I usually avoid. This means for three days all I ate was ice cream. My fridge can be loaded up with wine, pizza, cake, brownies, and I’m just fine about meting out reasonable portions, choosing water over wine, broccoli instead of cookies. But around ice cream my amygdala goes into hyperdrive, so I avoid buying it except occasionally. Once I got so sick of eating ice cream, I couldn’t stand the thought of taking another bite, I thought for sure that I’d rediscover my enthusiasm for the gym. Big nope there.
“What else can I do to keep going?” I thought.
There are some life coaches and trainers who say that writing down your goals and putting them out there for all to see increases your likelihood of staying true to your course. How I interpret this: Tell people I’m going to do something. Then if I don’t follow through and do it, I look stupid. While I’m not a huge fan of giving up, I hate public humiliation even more.
Long story short, I wrote a blog announcing my August goal. That’s the first time I cringed then gave in and used the phrase “move with intention.”
How I interpreted that phrase? I counted as a workout almost anything that would get me to my goal. Vague, I know. Here’s some clarification. Using gym equipment counted. Using my phone to count steps I took while walking or running for exercise purposes counted. Using my phone to count steps I took during everyday actions, like for example walking to the car or up and down grocery store aisles, did not.
Note that in the blog post I didn’t give myself mileage or time goals. One reason for that: Originally, I was thinking that three miles, a half hour of weights or using gym equipment daily would be reasonable and attainable. Then reality set in. We had several continuous days of temps in the high 80s/ low 90s, with equally high humidity. I don’t have air conditioning in this place at the Cape. I wasn’t raised with air conditioning. It’s not something I ever got used to or ever really felt I needed except in extreme conditions, like teaching or treadmill running.
But I was working outside on these particularly hot days, in full sun with little to no breeze. I would have gladly continued my streak by hitting my air-conditioned gym, but on those days it was closed during my off-work hours. Dying, I barely made it .75 miles one day of walking while at work. I was weak, shaking, gulping Gatorade.
I know for a lot of folks, .75 miles is nothing. For me, on that day, under those circumstances, it was enough. Because I gave myself the leeway to cut back that day, I came back stronger a few days later. When I chose to count that .75, I chose to not give up. I knew that at the time. I did that intentionally.
I finished the month of August with plenty of gym time in, plus I walked/ jogged 108-plus miles. If you count from when I started my streak, the last week in July, I logged in total almost 140 miles. I was surprised I did that much.
I’m not someone who keeps track of things like workouts, race times, ribbons, medals. I’m thinking it might be time to start keeping track. Setting goals and reaching them is fun. Reminders that I got things done spur me on. When times get tough and resolve is nowhere to be found, looking back at where I’ve been – whether it’s reading my writing, reviewing mileage I jotted on my August calendar, or simply remembering past achievements, helps me keep moving forward.
During my first and what I thought would be my one and only marathon, Boston 2001, bits and pieces of this quote from runner/ writer Joe Henderson kept running through my brain:
You also need to look back, not just at the people who are running behind you, but especially at those who don't run and never will... those who run but don't race... those who started training for a race but didn't carry through... those who got to the starting line but didn't get to the finish line... those who once raced better than you but no longer run at all. You're still here. Take pride in wherever you finish. Look at all the people you've outlasted.
That quote is still with me all the time, even though it's been 25 years since I first read it.
August 29 was the day I hit 100 miles for the month. I thought, “Only two more days this month. If you want to walk a mile each day, just to say you moved with intention every day in August, that’s fine. You’ve got this.”
August 30, I covered 3.5 miles, most of it up and down a steep wooden staircase connecting to a hill where an American flag flew at half-mast for the great Dolly Parton. The next day, the last day, I walked back and forth a breezy five flat miles on a tarry, pot-holed parking lot aside a white-capped Nantucket Bay. After, I treated myself to some ice cream, decided enough was enough, working out is stupid, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life sitting on the couch watching NCIS reruns.
I took two days off.
Yesterday I ran/walked four miles. My phone said 4.4, but I didn’t count that .4 because it was the total of all the walking I’d done while I made the bed, did the dishes, fed the cats, bought groceries.
Mindset matters.
Sometimes it’s good to look back. Other times, it can get in your way. "Don’t look back. You’re not going that way" is another quote that always hammers my head.
I've got some weird days coming up this month that will involve lots of driving and no time for other things. The move every day goal won't work for September. Last month I didn't set out to get in 100 miles, so it was a nice surprise to reach that number. Thinking maybe I'll try for that again. It's a little out of grasp at this point. But I only have 96 miles to go and have a whole 26 days to do it. Nothing wrong with taking my best shot and seeing what I got. (After all these years, still love Bruce Springsteen's Wrecking Ball.)
Onward.
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