This is what a comeback looks like.
Lately, that phrase has been hammering my brain. It comes unbidden, while I’m drifting off to sleep, reading, walking, spacing out, brushing the cats, running that 4 a.m. miracle mile. Those seven words just show up out of the blue, and when they do my heart leaps, breath skips, and sometimes for a few minutes or a few hours, everything changes.
Not sure if the phrase came first and then the mindset, or if a shift in mindset triggered the phrase. Not sure where all this is taking me. But something is different.
There’s been a change of heart. (Tom Petty)
It’s time to let go of some old things and embrace something new.
Take your best shot. Let me see what you got. (Springsteen)
The other day at the gym, I did speedwork. I haven’t done speedwork in months, and the little that I had done back then was, in my opinion at the time, embarrassingly pathetic.
Words matter. Calling a hard day when you still had the guts to show up and try “embarrassingly pathetic” is a great way to destroy your ego, hopes, dreams, which is likely why I’ve avoided anything connected to running lately.
My self-talk was killing me, and I only recently figured that out. I don’t know how or why I figured that out. But I’m glad I did because now I’m starting to understand what I need to do.
Last week, when I forced myself to get on the dreadmill, I changed the narrative. “Five minutes. If you hate it after five minutes, you can quit. But give yourself five minutes.”
I lasted five minutes times nine.
After that first five minutes, it didn’t occur to me to quit.
I could have kept going, and in my younger days probably would have. I stopped after 45 minutes because my hips and knees started aching, likely because the tendons, ligaments, muscles, bones were feeling a little shocked. I hadn’t worked out like this in ages.
Bad thoughts slammed me as I limped off the machine: “How out of shape are YOU? Shame. Shame. Shame.”
But then came this: Fall seven, rise eight.
Then this, a tiny voice that got louder and louder: “Hey! Look at you, still out there! Way to go!”
And then: “This is what a comeback looks like.”
Maybe it’s that, with the CPAP, my sleep has improved and hence my body and brain. (link to needing CPAP/ whining about CPAP post:
I dunno.
What’s important is that I’m attuned to a new wave, one focused on seeking out the good stuff I need and finding it everywhere.
There’s beauty all around me. (derivation of Navajo prayer)
On August 1 I set a goal: move with intention every day for the month.
Here’s how that’s gone so far:
August 1: 3-mile walk, weights
2: 4 miles
3: 4 miles, weights
4: run 45 min, bike 30 min
5: 6 miles on elliptical, weights
6: 3 miles ell, bike 45 min
7: 6 miles ell, weights
8: 1 mile walk (steamy and humid, scorching sun, no shade anywhere, worn out, each step felt like I was pushing a truck, cue tiny violin)
9: 1 mile walk (still seventh circle of hell heat)
10: 3.5-mile walk (steamy but finally starting to acclimate)
Ten years ago, this would be nothing.
Ten years ago, life was totally different.
I’ve never been this age before and never lived this kind of life before. This is new territory.
Don’t look back. A new day’s breaking. (Boston)
Here’s something about last week’s stats that makes me smile: On six of those days, those walks looked like tenth of a mile increments, done minutes at a time over hours. I work a part-time job outdoors (best job ever) and must stay within a certain area.
I could have chosen to sit in the shade on a beach chair the entire time, sipping on ice water, listening to some tunes, scrolling through social media. Instead, I took every opportunity I could find to get up and move. I’m bummed I didn’t do more on days 8 and 9, but given the temps and the intensity of the previous week’s workouts, each day represented the best I could give.
Rise again, little fighter. (White Lion)
I wrote this today and am putting it out into the world because right now I need to hold myself accountable and this is one way to do so. I have 21 more days of intentional movement. When I started on August 1, I thought that would like walking at least three miles and/ or hitting the gym every day. I think I need to be more flexible and reframe my goals.
That’s cool too. Part of goal setting is checking in and adjusting.
Fall seven, rise eight.
Fail better.
There are going to be good days. There are going to be bad. There are days I’ll want to give up and days I won’t want to stop.
I’ll only go ‘til the sun explodes. (Sublime)
I am titanium. (Sia and for real – I’m a Titanium level Marathon Maniac)
Been a long time, but I'm back in town. (Lady Gaga)
This is what a comeback looks like.
