I got a new computer

 I got a new computer.

 

Promised myself that as soon as I got the new computer, I would start writing. 

 

The new arrival entered my world yesterday, satiny finish, smooth keys. Not a cat hair or crumb in sight. I am not worthy. This thing is hot.  

 

Spent the last hour exploring social media in a way I have not been able to since the old guy gasped its last breath. Yes, I have a cell phone. But I have no patience for tiny screens and tinier keyboards. My one true love’s cause of death: age (damn you, built-in obsolescence), suffocation (cat fur), and drowning (an unfortunate wine spill – is there ever a fortunate wine spill?). 

 

Moving on. As we all must. 

 

Confession: I teared up as I bid au revoir to Mac 2018. Given the depth, breadth, and sheer number of losses the last few years, which I mostly handled dry-eyed, this was a bit of a shocker. Crying over a piece of hardware? That’s just weird. 

 

For me, sadness over the big things leaks out slowly and always when I’m least prepared. Yay for coping. Yay for trauma. Yay for emotional numbness. Yay for when the tears finally start to come. 

 

I love my new Mac. I love that the biggest problem in my very own tiny snow globe of a life the past month has been living without my old Mac. 

 

The other day I volunteered with a local refugee organization. A grownup woman cried in my arms. Now what do I do? 

 

This piece didn’t turn out as I’d hoped. And it’s not done. I’m glad.