Just flexing some muscles

A few days ago, I needed to curtail an evening out. I’d spent half the day at doctors’ appointments with my mom, and the other half at the gym to get some feeling back in certain body parts that just aren’t used to pressing into waiting room chairs for four hours at a time. I was at a restaurant with a friend, enjoying hot soup and popcorn – a weird combination but it worked for me -- when I mentioned it was almost time for me to leave because I had to get home to write my daily blog post.  

The friend suggested I skip writing that day and enjoy an evening with no time constraints.  “You work hard. Give yourself a break.” 

My reply? “No, absolutely not.”  

When I started this blog, I made a promise that I would write every day for at least twenty-eight days. I picked that number because I have a lot of facebook friends who like to challenge themselves at the gym, and they’re always throwing out that magic two and eight. 

“Today was day sixteen at Cross Fit! More than halfway to my goal! Here’s a pic of my blisters!”

“Kicked butt at boot camp today! Just six days left! Awesome! Get a load of these abs! Woohoo!” 

I want to get into the habit of writing every day or close to every day.  So I figured I’d do twenty-eight days of public blog posts. Now since then I've googled “how many days to form a habit” and learned that some psychology experts say you need much more than four weeks to create a habit. In fact, many say you need sixty-six days to get a habit to stick.  

Sixty-six. Twenty-eight. Whatever. I just wanted a number that was within reach but maybe a titch unattainable too. Ten would have been too easy. I probably wouldn't have even bothered writing because there's no challenge there. Fifty is way up there. I wouldn’t have gotten past day two, I’d have been so overwhelmed. 

Maybe I’ll choose to continue this daily post for another six weeks past my self-imposed finish line. Maybe I won’t. The important thing for me is to get to twenty-eight days. I am focused on the end. I am resolved to finish what I started. 

Once I schlump back to my real job in a few weeks, I’ll have a lot of distractions to fight off. I’ll be worn out. I’ll want to sleep in. The house will need cleaning. The cats will need combing. Perhaps if I set up good work habits now, those distractions won’t get the best of me. 

I am writing a book. I have been working on it for a few years. Right now, I am on my third draft, though certain sections have been rewritten ten, twenty or even thirty-five times. The book is not yet where I want it to be. I still have a lot of junk to sort out. The plot has some holes. The ending sucks. The action in the middle just plain unravels. The reason for the blog isn’t to cure these ills. The reason for the blog is to clarify my voice; to clear my writing throat. I read my book and I get a little annoyed. I think, “This is not me yet.” 

I want a voice that is undeniable and fearless. A voice that looks you square in the eye and says, "Yup. That's me. Deal with it." So I flex my muscles. I write it out. The more I write, the closer I get. Hopefully, one day I’ll finally tear away the conceit the fluff the gluey outer layers, and get to my truth.

The other night I returned home early from my dinner and sat at the computer and I wrote. I’ll be here writing tomorrow too, and for at least a week after that. I promised myself that I would write for twenty-eight days straight. It’s just a random number. I know that. And in the end, the only one who’ll care whether I do it or not is me. So really, it would be easy to stop. That makes me more determined not to.